Letters from the Field

October 28, 2003

Dear Friends,

Greetings from Johannesburg, where I am resting briefly in a lovely country lodge before a long flight back to California. I just finished my tour for the Southern African Catholic Bishops' Conference (SACBC) AIDS Office. It is good to be in nature to renew my spirit after a nonstop month offering 9 two-day workshops in 6 different regions of South Africa, as well as in Swaziland and Botswana. Last year in a synchronistic meeting with SACBC AIDS Office Director Sr. Alison Munro, OP, I was invited to offer this series of trainings. I wholeheartedly accepted Alison's invitation without fully realizing what this would mean. For me the SACBC tour has been a great challenge, inspiration and grace—a heartfelt expression of Capacitar's vision and mission to heal ourselves and heal our world walking in solidarity with the marginalized people of our world. Nearly four hundred women, men and youth representing over 120 different grassroots organizations, parishes, hospices, orphan homes and caregiver groups participated in the workshops. Many of them serve as volunteer caregivers of those dying of AIDS or they work with orphans in their communities. Some of the participants were themselves HIV positive or had full-blown AIDS, and they were still caring for friends or family who were dying. Truly these people are some of the angels of our planet and it was a great privilege for me to care for them and empower them with Capacitar skills!

Almost every workshop participant arrived exhausted, depressed, or grieving, in physical or emotional pain, and often hopeless about the enormity of the AIDS pandemic. Some persons with HIV/AIDS shared feelings of self-hate, desperation, and wanting to end their lives. Very few of the participants knew anything about wellness, self-care, or how to deal with grief, emotional pain and the dying process. The Capacitar practices were enthusiastically embraced, as people quickly began to feel their energy and spirits awaken through Tai Chi, Acupressure and the Emotional Freedom technique.

The theme of the workshops was "Living in Wellness." The theme came to me last year as a challenge from a young Zulu man who said: "We are all going to die. You may die of an accident or old age, and I will die of AIDS. I want to learn how to live and die well." Few of the participants had ever considered that we all have to deal with how we live and how we die, whether we are HIV positive or not. So the workshops focused on how to live with a sense of physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, caring for ourselves as we care for families and communities. We studied different Eastern and indigenous practices to help boost immunity, as well as to alleviate or lessen symptoms of HIV-associated infections. And we looked at how to accompany those dying of AIDS and their families, empowering them to heal wounds and unfinished business, so they can let go and die with peace and love.

For everyone the AIDS pandemic is overwhelming in its magnitude. Over 5 million people (20% of the population of 48 million) are infected in South Africa alone. In Botswana 38% of the total population (and 50% of the adult population) is HIV positive, with a very high suicide rate among infected young men. By 2010 there will be more than 20 million orphans in the region. And last week the news in Swaziland reported that in one area there were over 4,000 households headed by children under 8 years of age. In many places the vast majority of poor have no access to antiretroviral drugs, or medications for HIV-associated infections. And the situation is compounded by drought in Sub Saharan Africa where millions of people are also starving. One caregiver in Port Elizabeth said: "Sometimes I visit whole families dying of AIDS who haven't eaten for several days." Teresa, a woman from Bloemfontein said: "When there are no medicines or resources available, all I have to give some of the dying people is my smile."

Yet in the midst of all the suffering, AIDS is teaching the human family the deeper meaning of life and death and the ways of compassion towards self and others. One woman from Durban said that she and her friends have had to learn how to care for the dying, as well as how to care for orphaned children (something new for those in her area). She also said that AIDS is teaching the importance of unconditional love as they accompany so many people dying without medication. Moses, an older Catholic priest in Swaziland, described the love poured out by his parish community when someone found an AIDS infant who had been thrown into the trash by his parents. The baby was rescued by a local doctor, and lovingly cared for by a group of women who fed, sheltered and held the child for months before he died. Moses said that all the people wept and grieved the death of this child as if he had been their own kin. Three days ago at the end of the workshop in Botswana, Joyce who has full-blown AIDS, said to the entire group that she is finally able to accept and love herself. She feels blessed to have life and wants to help others until she is ready to die.

Many of the workshop participants are also involved in education of youth to stop the spread of AIDS. Benjamin Marsala and Stanley Finck, who have worked for many years as social workers and leaders at Pollsmoor Prison in Capetown, started the Prosperty Youth Centre. Their goal is to inspire and educate poor black youth to prevent them from going to prison, where AIDS is almost inevitably contracted. Within an hour of my arrival in Capetown, Benny and Stanley took me inside Pollsmoor Prison to meet the men and see the reality of their lives. Currently this prison is 240% over-occupancy, with probably 40% HIV positive. Terrence, a prisoner who has had HIV for 17 years, coordinates a wonderful project where the men raise and sell rare African birds. At one point during my visit I had a baby parrot sitting on my finger as I walked through the prison cells. Benny and Stanley coordinated a most interesting Capacitar workshop which included: members of the prison staff, the co-director of the prison hospital, the head of AIDS outreach for the prison, caregivers for local people dying of AIDS, as well as former prisoners working in community youth ministry. The training was held on prison grounds, and while I was teaching how to release anger and fear using the fingerholds, I spied a couple of the prisoners listening in and holding their fingers! I plan to work with Benny and Stanley's groups in future visits to Capetown; and workshops will also include some of the prisoners who will be able to multiply the workshops in their cellblocks.

As I do these workshops I am learning a lot. I am finding that AIDS is like the tip of the iceberg. Under the surface there is so much unhealed individual and societal trauma from years of political and domestic violence, apartheid, racism, sexism and poverty. Nomonde who currently works with AIDS orphans in Umtata, described how her father and two brothers had been arrested and killed during the apartheid years. Her mother died of a broken heart as family members were killed. Nomonde herself has never had the opportunity or time to heal these memories. Along with past trauma, caregivers are currently battered by compassion fatigue or secondary trauma, not knowing how to care for themselves as they struggle to care for so many others. They talk a lot about their depression, hopelessness, despair and exhaustion. AIDS is also compounded by the extreme poverty of the masses of infected people. It is one thing to have HIV or AIDS and have access to food, water and medicine. AIDS is a very different thing for the desperately poor who are starving and have few medical, economic or human resources. The current programs for training caregivers focus on the medical and material aspects of caregiving and have little reference to self-care or the body, mind and spirit of patient or caregiver. People recognized that something was missing in their work of caregiving, so the Capacitar approach seems to be the right thing at the right time empowering people with simple skills for themselves, their patients, the orphans and their families.

Everywhere I worked people asked for resource materials. So for the trainings I developed a pilot Capacitar AIDS Manual that participants could use and copy for others. Living in Wellness: Capacitar Practices for Caregivers, Families and People with HIV/AIDS will be published next year by the SACBC AIDS Office to make it accessible to thousands of people throughout Southern African countries. I will also contribute a chapter of Capacitar practices for another SACBC book: Education for Life—a program for youth dealing with values and choices over AIDS. And next year I am scheduled for another series of SACBC trainings in Southern Africa, this time on trauma healing as this relates to AIDS and the dying process.

As I end my time in Southern Africa I look back on so many warm memories of exquisite natural beauty, vibrant cultures, remarkable people and special friends. Southern Africa is called the cradle of humankind, for it is here where the roots of our human family began over 3 million years ago. And perhaps in struggling to heal the AIDS pandemic and the extremes of violence, we will all learn what it means to be part of a human family grounded in compassion and loving care.

I am deeply grateful for your support of me, Capacitar and the people we serve.

With love and blessings,
Pat Cane